Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The roller coaster of life

It was not unexpected per se, but it was still shocking none the less. When the doctor is standing there and telling us they will not resuscitate if something happens, well that pretty much sums up where things are at. What can we do now? What can we say? A whole lot of nothing as we stood around my aunt's hospital bed and listened intently as the doctor that looked like he's only made it past puberty speak the words we did not want to hear; "perhaps", "two", "weeks", and "hopefully" were used. I wasn't sure whether they made up a complete sentence or just fragments of the conversation I could hear as I was covering my laughing child's mouth who thought everything was all of a sudden hilarious. Of course! Timing is everything and my son certainly doesn't have it.


The morning was perfectly still and a little misty. It was crisp, and after Kien polished off 1 slice of toast with Vegemite and another with honey I bundled him up into the buggy and headed to playgroup. I told him if he was really good this morning and did not complain or whinge about anything that I would give him a star.

He was a star that morning.


Of course it is sort of funny that we've known for months and months this was to happen sooner rather than later, and yet when the news came we all looked shell shocked and dumbfounded. The doctor kept asking my aunt whether she understood, and she kept saying yes. I think at that point it really sunk in the finality of it all. When the doctor left we couldn't help but all burst into tears. Far out, man, cancer is #%€*!•<@ awful.


Kien didn't cry or whinge at all yesterday morning. In fact he was in such a happy mood. He played in the garden for ages - running back and forth collecting rocks from the other end of the garden so he could gather them all in a pile on the table. It's one of those things he likes to do.

If only every day was like this.


I had a really hard time shutting my brain off to go to sleep last night, and when I finally got some shut eye at around 2am I was awoken by Kien screaming for me at 3:30am. I grabbed my pillows and his milk and crashed out in his bed.

I woke up in the morning and head to the office where I shuffled some e-mails around, organised some people to do some testing for one project, and did a presentation and multi system demo for my team. Life continues like it always does, and I hoped the nurses gave my aunt a good dosage of relaxants so when I visit her in the evening she will not be weeping. Life is short regardless of how long you've been here.


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