Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Expectations, preconceptions and judgement

You know those questionnaires you have to fill out after completing a course - the ones where you get to rate your presenter with a "failed to hit the mark" or "outstanding, engaging and inspirational"? Well, the guy sitting next to me at my work course today rated the presenter within the first 10 minutes with the former. When I saw him circle the number 1 I was taken aback. I mean, really? He is going to judge the presenter (who happens to be the company's GGM for Australasia and is extremely media savvy) so quickly without giving the guy a chance, or at least getting to Q&A? I pondered it for a while.

Yesterday I took Kien to the Starship hospital dietician for a follow up visit. He was weighed, and low and behold he has lost weight - 200 grams actually. So he is 9.4kg and on the 2nd percentile as far as the World Health Organisation figures are concerned. For the next hour I sat there as she prodded and pried me with questions on how I was managing his mealtimes, what I was feeding him, how I was feeding him etc etc etc. I found myself giving explanations (or excuses) for every scenario she was "suggesting", and that feeling of you just don't understand what I have been through and all the things I have tried weighed heavily on my psyche as I tried responding openly and honestly. I came home and cried as I was trying to explain to Jef the notion of being judged by a situation I couldn't control. As a mother I feel the burden (by the royal "them", whoever they may be) to perform, with all the preconceptions and expectations encapsulating what that actually means.

Jef told me to get over it (in the nicest possible way). No one is judging me, except me. Even if "they" were, who cares? At the end if the day I must trust that the decisions I make are the correct ones, and I do the best I can with the limitations I have to work with. I bet the GGM of Australasia didn't get to his position by running home and crying after every bad survey result, or if he did it has certainly made him a stronger leader as a result of it.

Anyway, I've built a bridge and I'm getting over it.

Brushing teeth

He LOVES toothpaste, and for that alone he will brush his teeth...and ask for more paste. That and running water so he can suck it from the brush.


Catching the Magic said...

So sorry you had such a difficult time and experience. My daughters are all petite and low on the NZ graphs (I am British and petite, my husband is half Chinese, half British). I don't know how they put together the graphs, but so long as a child is happy and being provided a range of foods and water/milk/breastmilk, they won't starve themselves. They know their bodies the best. It always irks me that the medical profession put such burden for babies and young children to be a 'certain' weight/height - when as adults we all vary tremendously in weight, height and natural build! Hugs x

Lien H said...

The stats really do cause a lot of stress - I don't know why health professionals take them so seriously. You can't compare an Asian baby to an Island child - our genes are different! Jef was a rake and petite until he hit puberty when he just shot up and bulked out. I don't exactly come from a line of big people and considered large by other Asians. So yes, you are right in saying adults vary tremendously, so why measure our kids within boundaries!?!


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